There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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