just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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