i need an iv and a liver transplant
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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