I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
