Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
