Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize