winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
