I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I won't apologize to a one balled man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
