PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
