I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize