Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's just like the Real World with babies
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
