god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
