My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
