The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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