By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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