After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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