I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
