life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
