return my video game
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
