i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize