Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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