I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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