I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
