I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
