her vagine was all disorganized.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
