mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
