You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
