i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
