im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
