My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
