happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize