U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
