u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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