but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
