a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
