I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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