What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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