Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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