I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
