so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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