By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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