rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
