Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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