i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The adults are the big ones right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
