There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
