As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
