They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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