I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
