either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
