If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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