There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
