Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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