It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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