He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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