I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
