Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can text with my tongue
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
