please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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