I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
sex in a hospital.. check
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
