my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
