Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need water and some morals
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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