I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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