what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
zippers are such a cool invention
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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