What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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