Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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