All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
