The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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