My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize