I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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