...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
