Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
