Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
