Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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