I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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