did you get engaged???
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
