The best revenge is premature balding
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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