Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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