I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have demons in me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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