if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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