OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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