no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
