A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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