So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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