im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
