somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
