My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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