If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
