The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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