My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
