I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So apparently I’m into choking now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize