Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
