Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
