dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
