How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
