Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
