My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
