we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
