The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize