when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
