when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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