Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is the high leading the old right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
