Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
