you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
