Can Purell be used as lube?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
