So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
