Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
