Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
