I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
