I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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