I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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